by Todd McKie
When the postman rang her bell with a special delivery package – another stale pound cake from her Aunt Belinda – Darlene answered the door wearing only white cotton panties.
The mailman, a balding guy in gray shorts with blue stripes, handed her the package.
Darlene glanced down at his hairy legs, his black shoes and socks.
“Step inside,” said Darlene. “Can I get you a beer?”
“No, ma’am, I’m afraid that’s against the rules.” The postman was shaky from the effort of not looking at Darlene’s breasts. Or the dark thatch of hair beneath her underwear.
“Well, how about a blow job, then?” said Darlene.
“Now you’re talking!” said the mailman.
Darlene reached behind him and pushed the door shut. She slid to the floor and began to lick his damp, fuzzy legs as she struggled to unfasten his U.S. Postal Service belt.
After the blow job, Darlene wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and said, “I’m a philatelist.”
“You can say that again!” said the mailman, zipping up.
Darlene giggled. “No, silly, I mean I’m a stamp collector.” She gestured at the hallway and the living room beyond, whose walls were covered with framed sheets of stamps: colorful florals, commemoratives, exotic birds, pandas, and locomotives.
“I gotta go,” he said, backing towards the door.
Darlene watched as the postman hurried down the walk and hopped into his red, white, and blue truck. As he drove away Darlene thought how neat it’d be to have a little van like that instead of her boring old Toyota sedan.
Darlene sat at her desk and wrote a note to Aunt Belinda, telling her how delicious the pound cake was, how it was the best pound cake she’d ever tasted, and hinting – this was the hard part, because she didn’t want to sound greedy – that she’d be happy to get another one. Soon.
She opened the desk drawer, selected a stamp that pictured a monarch butterfly – Aunt Belinda had a thing for butterflies – and stuck it on the envelope.
Darlene got dressed. She brushed her hair. She brushed her teeth. She gargled with mouthwash and spit it into the sink. She sniffed at the package from Aunt Belinda and threw it in the trash. She walked to the corner to mail her letter.
published 25 October 2013