Bruce smiled sweetly and waited to see any weakness in the faceless, corporate-vultures, perched across their pretentious oversized desk.
“It’s our size downing of course. Hope you don't mind, we’re ever-so-directly about the you-know-what.”
“You mean, why I should be keeping my own job?” said Bruce.
“Yes that. We’d like you to start with positive thinking.”
“Easy,” said Bruce. “No problem. If I could fool everyone some of the time, then I should be able to fool myself all of the time.”
“Uh, what about time management?”
“Best one,” said Bruce, “is when you have the closed door policy. A bit of abuse soon stops the time-wasters. It works on Pavlov’s dogs too.”
“Actually, we meant yours, not ours. This time, how can you know if your leadership is OK?”
“I’ve got a good test,” says Bruce. “This is where you say, so we’ll all go down to the pub. If everyone goes with you then there’s nothing much wrong with your leadership.”
“Uh, then there is this sort-of, staff-turnover thing.”
Bruce watched out for any real understanding as he said, “These are interesting times with all your rationalising, de-layering and really challenging goals for every one else. You can be sure to lose a few. You know, the good ones who can get a new job.”
“So then Bruce, are you really trying to tell us you can get a new job?Ever-so-easily then, so you’ll just take a severance package?”
“Oh yes please,” said Bruce. “Just put a good reference on the top of my file. I’ve got my new job all set up. You know, one I like.”
published 20 February 2013