Pure Slush

flash ... without the wank

Excuse Me. Have You Seen My Shirt?

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by Sabrina Ogden

It was as normal as a dream could be.

I was a detective assigned to the homicide squad and I was required to ride my bike up and down my favorite street I lived on as a child. The street was Alendale Drive. I loved that street. The neighborhood seemed to go on forever and all of my favorite childhood friends lived there. There was Stacy, Kevin, Scott, Molly, Angie, and some other kids whose names I can't recall. Oh, wait! Robert! Robert lived across the street in the house with the pool where I almost drowned. We were all in love with Robert.

I'm sorry. Where was I?

I was a detective on the homicide squad. And I rode my pink bike up and down the same street looking for dead bodies. I was coming to the end of the curve in the road when suddenly...

I was driving my car into the back parking lot of an apartment complex in the middle of the night. And I stepped out of my car wearing a tight, camel-colored, suede mini skirt with a pair of go-go boots. In all honesty, I thought I was looking pretty hot until I looked down and noticed I was missing my shirt. My breasts were perky, and my nipples hard from the cool night air.

It was right about the time I noticed the problem with my outfit that another car drove in. So I did the only thing I could do; I hid behind a van belonging to an electrical company. Less then ten seconds later the back door to the van opened just a crack and an arm reached out to give me my coat.

Covered up and warm, I wandered to the front of the apartment complex and prepared to knock on door number seven. I didn't have to knock, though, as the door swung open and I stepped right into the middle of...

An episode of GLEE! I kid you not!

Sitting before me at the kitchen table was that show choir teacher guy dressed as the Wolverine, complete with tight jeans and sideburns that were about to come off the side of his face. I would have ripped the fake sideburns off his head had I not been distracted by Sue Sylvester wearing some really nice Calvin Klein jeans, 6 inch heels, and a sequined halter top.

And that was when the music started.

"Bom Chicka Wah Wah"

When we came to the end of our song and dance routine (which was actually quite fun considering I don't really like the show), Wolverine told me I’d won a prize. I could choose from one of three different packages of books. Funny thing was, each package contained the same three different books written by the same author, Victor Gischler. I could choose from the following stacks:

The Deputy

Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

Vampire a Go-Go


Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

Vampire A Go-Go

The Deputy


Vampire A Go-Go

The Deputy

Go-Go Girls of the Apocalypse

While I was trying to decide which package to choose, and wondering if this entire choice thing was just one big test, Wolverine and Sue got into an argument about their dinner plans. They’d agreed to go out for lobster, but now they couldn’t agree about having sautéed mushrooms with their steak.

"Always order the sautéed mushrooms on the side," I said, while looking over the prize packages. "Just in case you decide you don't want them, but want them, maybe... kind of. That kind of thing," I rambled as my voice fell into deafening silence.

I glanced up and Sue and the fake Wolverine were gone, and standing in the door way was...

Wolverine. THE Wolverine. 

He was sporting his signature hairstyle; messed up brown hair forming slight peaks on both sides. And he was wearing tight denim jeans showcasing his manhood (not that I was looking), with a thin, tight, white muscle shirt that gave me full view of his thick, muscular arms, broad chest, and sculpted abs. His eyes, a soft chocolate brown, were fierce and ready to fight. He was truly magnificent. 

I felt my face flush as he approached me. Looking me in the eyes, he picked up prize package number one and said, "This isn't the one you're going to choose, is it?"

Biting my lower lip I shook my head from side to side. "No," I whispered.

"Prize package number three, then?"


"Hmmm. Vampires. Vampires I understand, but why was the cast of Glee here?"

"Uh," I said, my face red at having to confess this next part. "I've recently watched the finale. That's the only explanation I can give."

"What about Victor?"

"I'm following him on twitter and I've been ordering his books. I own these three already, and they've recently arrived in the mail so I'm guessing that's why they're the only ones I can dream about."


"Well, if Victor Gischler isn't talking about Disneyland, he's busy talking about X-Men… and obviously you're my favorite."

I thought he was about to step closer to kiss me, but he stopped and walked to the door. "Kate?" he said, turning.


"Your shirt?"

I looked down to make sure I was still dressed and when I saw that I was, I looked at him and asked, "What about my shirt?"

Pointing behind me he said, "You can find your shirt in my closet."

And as quickly as he had entered my dream, Wolverine was gone. No music. No bright lights. No cast members from Glee stepping out from behind the shadows. It was just me- dressed in the shirt I had found in his closet, placing prize package number three in the basket on my bike, and quietly humming the tune to a song that would never be sung.

published 9 September 2011