Pure Slush

flash ... without the wank

Putting Off the Inevitable


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by Joanne Jagoda


Lou, do you remember how you used to wait until the last second to go to the bathroom. You were such a brat. You’d leave a puddle trail and I would have to clean up after you. Hell, you took your sweet time even before you were born. Mama said you were three weeks late, and she needed to be induced. If there were medals awarded for putting things off you’d have won the gold.

Louise, Ok. I’ll admit it. As your older brother, I was your “enabler.” Maybe it’s all my fault you were a never on time with anything. I should have put my foot down. How many damn reports did you do at the last minute with me scrambling to help you?

Remember your state report, ten pages on Maine, and you didn’t tell Mom until Thursday night at 7PM that it was due Friday. She was about to strangle you and guess who bailed you out. Thank goodness for the World Book Encyclopedia. Scrounging up information in the 1960’s at the last minute was not easy like now when everything is a click away on Google.

You still didn’t learn your lesson.Your report on President Eisenhower too. I should have just let you flunk, but you practically had a tantrum like a three year old crying and hiccupping sitting on the floor of my bedroom promising me this was the last time you’d wait until the last minute. Maybe you would have changed your ways if I’d been tougher.

Was the word deadline even in your vocabulary? Yes, I do recall tearing off to the post office with your college applications so they could be postmarked in time. If you weren’t so smart, you never would have made it to college, but you managed to ace your tests and your  SATs were through the roof. You never let me forget your 1550 score. You put me to shame.

I still don’t know how you made it through college and law school. When that  judge, what was his name, fined you when you were late for court, that cured you at least for work.

And that guy Rob who wanted to marry you. You kept him waiting an hour and a half on your first date. You couldn’t decide what to wear. When  he tried to propose to you you kept giving him excuses.  He finally said he couldn’t wait any longer and left you for Betsy Parker.

Lou, you were right about him. He was an asshole, cheating on Betsy their first year of marriage. We shouldn’t have blamed you.

Lou, this is serious. I know you hear me.  The doctor says you don’t have much time left but he doesn’t know how good you are at putting things off. It’s OK,  take as long as you need and prove him wrong. You will get well. God knows I can’t help you this time but you can do it. 


published 24 June 2015