Pure Slush

flash ... without the wank

The Procedure

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by Tom Fegan 


Fear claimed the day as I entered the medical offices of City Endoscopy. I had consumed the liquid to prepare my colon for a look see by the doctor. My friend, a church deacon prayed and anointed me to relieve my fright, and then I waited. She earned her collar accompanying me . My nerves tingled as I jumped at each response from a voice beckoning patients beyond the door.

She uttered the generic phrase, “This way please.” I was led to a private office, was asked a barrage of questions, and had explained to me the procedure of the dreaded colonoscopy. “We will shoot air into your colon and once you recover and are awake you need to expel the gas from your system.”

“You mean fart?” I asked.

She nodded, “That’s not the term we use but yes that is what is needed.”

I realized flatulence would have been a better choice but the request reminded me how my school buddies and I would get into to trouble for such biological display. Sometimes followed by a visit to the principal’s office.

I was hooked up and knocked out for what seemed like a brief second : awoke and saw my friend and the doctor. He smiled, “I saw nothing suspicious.” I thanked my God for that and when we got to my friend’s home, I made a much needed cup of coffee.

“I was scared, “ I admitted.

“I knew that,” she replied, “They gave me paperwork and once the lab results are in he wants to see you for a checkup.”

You know,” I began, “Not knowing the results beforehand is what scares me; facts I can deal with.”

She nodded understandingly and heated up three pizzas. Soon we were joined by her children bustling in from their rooms. The front door opened and her husband returned from work. We laughed and joked about the day and ate the pizzas together. There is no greater blessing than true friends. I am thankful. It made the trip to City Endoscopy worth it.


published 5 July 2014