Pure Slush

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The Suit, or 15 Reasons You Cant Really Date Superman

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by Sally Reno 


15 – The Suit. All the places you can’t take him dressed like that.

14 – Cell phones. When was the last time you saw a phone booth?

13 – Because you will always be looking over your shoulder for bad hats with a chunk of Kryptonite

12 – Because if you hang out with guys who jump off buildings and out of windows all the time, you may get the idea that you too can fly. Bad idea.

11 – Because, although he is anatomically correct, he is atomically incorrect. Seriously, he could bonk you to death.

10 – Because the man is the hammer of the gods. Things go smash when he’s around just because he’s around. Draw a line in the sand and he will set fire to it.

9 – This is the same man who calls from the puppy farm because the puppies want to say “hi” to you.

8 – Because he’s always homesick for a place that doesn’t exist anymore.

7 – Because he can only have a child with Wonder Woman. Who is gay. And whose girlfriend is a bitch. No way this doesn’t get awkward.

6 – Because he thinks he has to save everyone.

5 – Because he’s kind of a control freak.

4 – What about Lois Lane?

3 – What about Nietzsche?

2 – Because you will never have any privacy.

1 – Because he doesn’t really exist.


published 30 March 2016